








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1216 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 118 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3417 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,614 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2431 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2363 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3155 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 1665 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,713,924 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1891 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | ♕𝕋𝕀𝕍𝕆♕ | 59% | 44 |
| #6 | Titus | 59% | 29 |
| #7 | Hannah | 53% | 153 |
| #8 | sinful | 52% | 29 |
| #9 | PEARL_JAM | 52% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gekko | 14 | 0.0061 |
| #2 | Hannah | 9 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | ♕𝕋𝕀𝕍𝕆♕ | 6 | 0.0068 |
| #4 | Jimmo | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | negromancer | 4 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gekko | 463 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | Jimmo | 154 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #3 | negromancer | 90 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | Titus | 71 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | Hannah | 52 | 0.02 | 1 min |





