








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 59 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
982 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,220 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1400 | 33% |
| Smokes | 1275 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 871 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 674 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $345,180 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 9 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stokedelk | 63% | 24 |
| #2 | eon | 60% | 10 |
| #3 | MulberryPlacebo | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | cheevs | 55% | 33 |
| #5 | Jmulah65 | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Smokes, Let's Go | 35% | 54 |
| #10 | bing bong | 35% | 26 |
| #11 | kingkong_inthetrunk | 34% | 29 |
| #12 | John Glockton | 27% | 11 |
| #13 | NottooChabby | 14% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Throb Schneider | 5 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | This Guy Kiddin? | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | bing bong | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | John Glockton | 2 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | Smokes, Let's Go | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smokes, Let's Go | 130 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #2 | cheevs | 128 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | bing bong | 86 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | This Guy Kiddin? | 75 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Throb Schneider | 58 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | eon | +2.77 | 72 | 67 |
| #2 | stokedelk | +2.56 | 64 | 59 |
| #3 | Dadfather | +2.43 | 34 | 63 |
| #4 | This Guy Kiddin? | +0.97 | 58 | 52 |
| #5 | cheevs | +0.36 | 77 | 65 |





