








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 31 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 35 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
871 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1328 | 49% |
| Smokes | 756 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 513 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 86 | 3% |
Our logs show you have wasted $277,608 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stokedelk | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | Jmulah65 | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | MulberryPlacebo | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | Dadfather | 55% | 33 |
| #5 | eon | 50% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | This Guy Kiddin? | 3 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Throb Schneider | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Dadfather | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | bing bong | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | stokedelk | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dadfather | 130 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | This Guy Kiddin? | 72 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #3 | bing bong | 50 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #4 | MulberryPlacebo | 45 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | Smokes, Let's Go | 42 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dadfather | +3.24 | 39 | 61 |
| #2 | stokedelk | +3.05 | 55 | 64 |
| #3 | This Guy Kiddin? | +1.75 | 67 | 55 |
| #4 | eon | +1.09 | 57 | 68 |
| #5 | cheevs | +0.73 | 75 | 65 |





