








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 127 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1530 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,432 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1664 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1257 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1174 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 337 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $250,745 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stokedelk | 58% | 24 |
| #2 | cheevs | 45% | 20 |
| #3 | NottooChabby | 44% | 18 |
| #4 | Jmulah65 | 44% | 48 |
| #5 | MulberryPlacebo | 43% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Throb Schneider | 40% | 136 |
| #9 | John Glockton | 40% | 53 |
| #10 | Dadfather | 35% | 54 |
| #11 | kingkong_inthetrunk | 26% | 23 |
| #12 | bing bong | 26% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Throb Schneider | 6 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Dadfather | 5 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | This Guy Kiddin? | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | John Glockton | 2 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Jmulah65 | 2 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dadfather | 163 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Throb Schneider | 110 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #3 | This Guy Kiddin? | 87 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | MulberryPlacebo | 84 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | bing bong | 83 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dadfather | +1.84 | 28 | 64 |
| #2 | stokedelk | +1.67 | 66 | 59 |
| #3 | Throb Schneider | +0.95 | 41 | 47 |
| #4 | NottooChabby | +0.74 | 58 | 44 |
| #5 | cheevs | +0.47 | 77 | 63 |





