








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 136 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3521 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,250 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2371 | 38% |
| Smokes | 1066 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1625 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1188 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $555,024 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 37 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schematic | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | AJ | 68% | 95 |
| #3 | Palestine doesn't exist | 57% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | schematic | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | AJ | 68% | 95 |
| #3 | Palestine doesn't exist | 57% | 88 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AJ | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Palestine doesn't exist | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | schematic | 2 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AJ | 276 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Palestine doesn't exist | 209 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | schematic | 106 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AJ | +2.03 | 79 | 56 |
| #2 | Inperfecto | +1.62 | 75 | 50 |
| #3 | Palestine doesn't exist | -0.48 | 67 | 71 |
| #4 | schematic | -1.71 | 66 | 71 |





