








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
592 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,489 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 331 | 22% |
| Smokes | 188 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 468 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 502 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $284,716 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gangsta Duck | 75% | 20 |
| #2 | kk___ | 72% | 39 |
| #3 | bigzip | 70% | 30 |
| #4 | McFee :3 | 70% | 40 |
| #5 | Snooze | 70% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | kk___ | 72% | 39 |
| #3 | bigzip | 70% | 30 |
| #4 | McFee :3 | 70% | 40 |
| #5 | Snooze | 70% | 50 |
| #6 | Sponslærken | 64% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Snooze | 5 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | McFee :3 | 5 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | kk___ | 5 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Gangsta Duck | 3 | 0.0077 |
| #5 | Sponslærken | 3 | 0.0129 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kk___ | 101 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | bigzip | 77 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | Gangsta Duck | 56 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Snooze | 40 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | McFee :3 | 26 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kk___ | +6.15 | 75 | 64 |
| #2 | Snooze | +2.93 | 78 | 51 |
| #3 | McFee :3 | +1.55 | 59 | 26 |
| #4 | Gangsta Duck | +1.28 | 74 | 45 |
| #5 | bigzip | -0.96 | 66 | 62 |





