








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1031 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 778 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 92 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7682 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 39,193 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11176 | 29% |
| Smokes | 13834 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 7501 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 6682 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,451 of utility $41 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 214 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tj_dobson | 54% | 269 |
| #2 | Butt Pirate | 53% | 64 |
| #3 | KnoScape | 52% | 768 |
| #4 | SLINK | 50% | 312 |
| #5 | Gradey Dick | 49% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Gradey Dick | 49% | 63 |
| #6 | Get Off My Boat | 48% | 262 |
| #7 | костоглотов | 48% | 145 |
| #8 | SoapyTitties ( . )Y( . ) | 45% | 94 |
| #9 | jalbee86 | 40% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KnoScape | 40 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Get Off My Boat | 17 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | tj_dobson | 7 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | jalbee86 | 7 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | SLINK | 6 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SLINK | 812 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #2 | KnoScape | 586 | 0.04 | 13 min |
| #3 | Get Off My Boat | 483 | 0.09 | 11 min |
| #4 | костоглотов | 290 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | tj_dobson | 212 | 0.04 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KnoScape | +2.14 | 38 | 33 |
| #2 | Gradey Dick | +0.62 | 64 | 37 |
| #3 | Get Off My Boat | +0.55 | 59 | 49 |
| #4 | Moose | +0.19 | 43 | 57 |
| #5 | SLINK | -0.03 | 45 | 55 |





