










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 895 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 71 matches | ||
| Premier | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 37 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1878 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,398 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2796 | 21% |
| Smokes | 4035 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2772 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3795 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $759,266 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1199 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | [Smørre]hobbyhorser | 41% | 104 |
| #4 | Bullei | 41% | 230 |
| #5 | Lunaric | 38% | 74 |
| #6 | Koksmo | 37% | 171 |
| #7 | Zedra | 33% | 89 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Smørre]hobbyhorser | 22 | 0.0110 |
| #2 | Bullei | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Koksmo | 4 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Zedra | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | [Smørre] Sveni | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bullei | 746 | 0.16 | 13 min |
| #2 | Zedra | 296 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Lunaric | 186 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | Koksmo | 140 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | [Smørre] Sveni | 136 | 0.07 | 2 min |





