








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 769 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 196 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4401 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,313 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7144 | 41% |
| Smokes | 5083 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 743 | 4% |
| Molotovs | 4343 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $970,419 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 260 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus Christ It's Juan | 54% | 129 |
| #2 | Bay Harbor Stimmer | 53% | 135 |
| #3 | Darkspark | 50% | 220 |
| #4 | mpx | 48% | 129 |
| #5 | raen | 45% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Buttah Dawg | 44% | 27 |
| #7 | Joseph Eisenberg Schwartz | 44% | 43 |
| #8 | 𝕹𝖊𝖗𝖔 | 43% | 44 |
| #9 | nikmik | 42% | 102 |
| #10 | im ok | 40% | 60 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darkspark | 20 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | raen | 15 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | mpx | 14 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Buttah Dawg | 8 | 0.0158 |
| #5 | nikmik | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Darkspark | 796 | 0.18 | 20 min |
| #2 | Jesus Christ It's Juan | 471 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #3 | nikmik | 370 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #4 | mpx | 364 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | raen | 328 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesus Christ It's Juan | +1.72 | 71 | 62 |
| #2 | mpx | +1.68 | 76 | 57 |
| #3 | Le Fishe | +1.33 | 82 | 63 |
| #4 | Darkspark | +0.96 | 63 | 51 |
| #5 | 𝕹𝖊𝖗𝖔 | +0.09 | 50 | 52 |





