








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 304 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 261 matches | ||
| Faceit | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 43 matches | ||
| Wingman | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 11 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6338 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,717 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5769 | 33% |
| Smokes | 4196 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 3315 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 4437 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $941,687 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 884 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | sLump | 53% | 411 |
| #7 | xD | 50% | 40 |
| #8 | Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﻝ | 50% | 118 |
| #9 | Captain ☠Failure☠ | 48% | 46 |
| #10 | Tj | 47% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sLump | 54 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | 速さ | 25 | 0.0067 |
| #3 | Ɑ͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ̶͞ ﻝﻝ | 18 | 0.0077 |
| #4 | Tj | 18 | 0.0128 |
| #5 | fr0sty | 13 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sLump | 949 | 0.11 | 23 min |
| #2 | fr0sty | 806 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #3 | 速さ | 683 | 0.18 | 16 min |
| #4 | Mini Chicken | 450 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #5 | Pancake Areolas | 341 | 0.19 | 7 min |





