








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 44 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 128 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1256 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,184 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 295 | 9% |
| Smokes | 1209 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 685 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 995 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $482,503 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jack | 55% | 11 |
| #2 | Dynamite | 50% | 22 |
| #3 | Monkey Acknowledger | 47% | 38 |
| #4 | Liro | 45% | 42 |
| #5 | Mini Nuss | 45% | 123 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | cap | 38% | 78 |
| #8 | Mikul Keng | 38% | 47 |
| #9 | Batman Daddy | 37% | 35 |
| #10 | crow | 37% | 19 |
| #11 | whisk | 31% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mini Nuss | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | cap | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Liro | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | jack | 2 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Monkey Acknowledger | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mini Nuss | 315 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Monkey Acknowledger | 157 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | Cuzinho | 113 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #4 | Batman Daddy | 59 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Liro | 52 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Monkey Acknowledger | +2.54 | 55 | 66 |
| #2 | Cuzinho | +1.55 | 56 | 64 |
| #3 | Liro | +0.62 | 69 | 21 |
| #4 | cap | +0.41 | 68 | 37 |
| #5 | Mini Nuss | +0.38 | 54 | 59 |





