








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 392 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 68 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3323 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,369 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2544 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2370 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1126 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 2329 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,101,430 of utility $167 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 219 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ross Poldark | 68% | 19 |
| #2 | Vinnie | 65% | 43 |
| #3 | The Muffin Man | 52% | 81 |
| #4 | Thot Spencer | 50% | 70 |
| #5 | SCOOB | 49% | 223 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Thot Spencer | 50% | 70 |
| #5 | SCOOB | 49% | 223 |
| #6 | BILL BIN LADIN | 48% | 138 |
| #7 | Orange Carrot | 41% | 17 |
| #8 | Bob | 41% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SCOOB | 16 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | The Muffin Man | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | Thot Spencer | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #4 | BILL BIN LADIN | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Bob | 4 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SCOOB | 475 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | The Muffin Man | 273 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | Vinnie | 262 | 0.31 | 4 min |
| #4 | BILL BIN LADIN | 224 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #5 | Bob | 97 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob | +1.76 | 74 | 54 |
| #2 | SCOOB | +1.13 | 67 | 69 |
| #3 | ☢☯︎|SMOKE|☯︎☢ | +0.93 | 74 | 54 |
| #4 | BILL BIN LADIN | +0.77 | 66 | 63 |
| #5 | Ross Poldark | +0.08 | 57 | 31 |





