








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 304 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 45 matches | ||
| Premier | 38 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 32 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




56 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4927 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,137 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4164 | 34% |
| Smokes | 2243 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3385 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2345 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $856,722 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 231 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blake | 59% | 27 |
| #2 | Jameel | 56% | 97 |
| #3 | Swifttt | 49% | 300 |
| #4 | ✪ Milton's Stapler | 48% | 69 |
| #5 | ♖ demise ♜ | 47% | 90 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swifttt | 10 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Jameel | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | ✪ Milton's Stapler | 8 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Diesel | 6 | 0.0114 |
| #5 | guymonredneck | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ♖ demise ♜ | 396 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Swifttt | 312 | 0.05 | 7 min |
| #3 | Jameel | 146 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | ✪ Milton's Stapler | 92 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | Blake | 63 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ᵀᵉᶜʰ⛧ | +2.54 | 83 | 58 |
| #2 | ✪ Milton's Stapler | +1.07 | 85 | 33 |
| #3 | Jameel | +0.94 | 82 | 49 |
| #4 | Swifttt | -0.09 | 60 | 46 |
| #5 | Blake | -0.33 | 68 | 67 |





