








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1011 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 117 matches | ||
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3537 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,081 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3249 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3156 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2303 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 2373 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $568,456 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 379 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | niemelä | 71% | 14 |
| #2 | Apeeezi*** | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | AJ1Nd | 59% | 71 |
| #4 | DaNoLday | 57% | 21 |
| #5 | kala42 | 56% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ LuukKkis'' | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #2 | DaNoLday | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | snock | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Pasi2000 | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | kala42 | 1 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ LuukKkis'' | 521 | 0.17 | 15 min |
| #2 | AJ1Nd | 280 | 0.18 | 9 min |
| #3 | snock | 276 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #4 | bbykona | 133 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | dallej | 122 | 0.09 | 3 min |





