








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 76 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1228 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,608 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1742 | 48% |
| Smokes | 756 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 327 | 9% |
| Molotovs | 783 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $561,408 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 20 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | 51% | 89 |
| #2 | tiny hands | 50% | 32 |
| #3 | michael2k | 49% | 47 |
| #4 | Razar | 47% | 95 |
| #5 | Brucie | 40% | 98 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | tiny hands | 50% | 32 |
| #3 | michael2k | 49% | 47 |
| #4 | Razar | 47% | 95 |
| #5 | Brucie | 40% | 98 |
| #6 | Santymire | 35% | 34 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | 4 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Brucie | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | michael2k | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Santymire | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | tiny hands | 1 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | 381 | 0.20 | 10 min |
| #2 | Razar | 289 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| #3 | Brucie | 217 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #4 | tiny hands | 116 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #5 | Santymire | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | +2.82 | 75 | 66 |
| #2 | Brucie | +1.33 | 78 | 66 |
| #3 | Razar | -0.22 | 72 | 65 |
| #4 | Eugene Cumberbatch | -0.49 | 58 | 63 |
| #5 | Santymire | -1.55 | 54 | 12 |





