








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1022 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 949 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 21 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 101 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12179 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 33,916 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9380 | 28% |
| Smokes | 6115 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 10277 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 8144 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,339,215 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 751 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Razar | 50% | 263 |
| #2 | m0rdecai | 46% | 211 |
| #3 | Santymire | 44% | 70 |
| #4 | Eugene Cumberbatch | 40% | 98 |
| #5 | tiny hands | 39% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Razar | 50% | 263 |
| #2 | m0rdecai | 46% | 211 |
| #3 | Santymire | 44% | 70 |
| #4 | Eugene Cumberbatch | 40% | 98 |
| #5 | tiny hands | 39% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | 9 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Razar | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | Eugene Cumberbatch | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | tiny hands | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Santymire | 3 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | 939 | 0.21 | 28 min |
| #2 | Razar | 755 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #3 | Eugene Cumberbatch | 320 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #4 | tiny hands | 282 | 0.19 | 7 min |
| #5 | Santymire | 77 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0rdecai | +2.69 | 78 | 65 |
| #2 | Brucie | +0.22 | 80 | 65 |
| #3 | Razar | +0.03 | 75 | 67 |
| #4 | Eugene Cumberbatch | -0.95 | 57 | 65 |
| #5 | tiny hands | -1.74 | 53 | 57 |





