








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 240 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 152 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1715 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,130 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2106 | 30% |
| Smokes | 2393 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1075 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1556 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $615,127 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 56 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | panchito feliz | 50% | 44 |
| #2 | Hyouka ✞ | 47% | 43 |
| #3 | YEPERSS! | 45% | 136 |
| #4 | ALEMAO | 43% | 51 |
| #5 | GORDO EMPRESARIO | 35% | 84 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Hyouka ✞ | 47% | 43 |
| #3 | YEPERSS! | 45% | 136 |
| #4 | ALEMAO | 43% | 51 |
| #5 | GORDO EMPRESARIO | 35% | 84 |
| #6 | Pupufo 1.6 | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YEPERSS! | 11 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | ALEMAO | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | GORDO EMPRESARIO | 4 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | panchito feliz | 4 | 0.0044 |
| #5 | Hyouka ✞ | 2 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YEPERSS! | 363 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #2 | panchito feliz | 216 | 0.24 | 6 min |
| #3 | GORDO EMPRESARIO | 205 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #4 | Hyouka ✞ | 183 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #5 | ALEMAO | 114 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GORDO EMPRESARIO | +1.05 | 70 | 53 |
| #2 | YEPERSS! | +0.86 | 71 | 45 |
| #3 | Hyouka ✞ | +0.72 | 56 | 59 |
| #4 | ALEMAO | +0.15 | 56 | 58 |
| #5 | [ε]Mק*' | -0.27 | 51 | 49 |





