








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 86 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
980 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,129 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 84 | 4% |
| Smokes | 852 | 40% |
| HE Grenades | 778 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 415 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,788 of utility $163 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mitso | 38% | 143 |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 36% | 77 |
| #3 | Bagel Girl | 31% | 13 |
| #4 | Schmibby | 30% | 40 |
| #5 | Jenkem Merchant | 29% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mitso | 38% | 143 |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 36% | 77 |
| #3 | Bagel Girl | 31% | 13 |
| #4 | Schmibby | 30% | 40 |
| #5 | Jenkem Merchant | 29% | 68 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mitso | 11 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #3 | Jenkem Merchant | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Schmibby | 2 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Schmibby | 26 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #2 | mitso | 14 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| #3 | Bagel Girl | 13 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #4 | H.I. McDunnough | 7 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| #5 | Jenkem Merchant | 2 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bagel Girl | +7.54 | 86 | 36 |
| #2 | Jenkem Merchant | +1.90 | 55 | 18 |
| #3 | mitso | +0.38 | 62 | 22 |
| #4 | H.I. McDunnough | -0.63 | 25 | 15 |
| #5 | Schmibby | -1.01 | 52 | 28 |





