








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 37 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
694 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 975 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 23 | 2% |
| Smokes | 365 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 371 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 216 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $77,385 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 52 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Bagel Girl | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Schmibby | 41% | 32 |
| #6 | H.I. McDunnough | 37% | 35 |
| #7 | SuckMetoes | 29% | 68 |
| #8 | mitso | 26% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SuckMetoes | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | mitso | 5 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Makikanetannhuserfukukitaru | 2 | 0.0067 |
| #4 | H.I. McDunnough | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Schmibby | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bagel Girl | +7.22 | 88 | 34 |
| #2 | Makikanetannhuserfukukitaru | +3.88 | 30 | 26 |
| #3 | Jenkem Merchant | +1.88 | 52 | 16 |
| #4 | mitso | -0.23 | 59 | 19 |
| #5 | Schmibby | -0.91 | 48 | 28 |





