








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 9 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 12 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
410 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 467 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 28% |
| Smokes | 59 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 225 | 48% |
| Molotovs | 52 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $50,412 of utility $53 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 32 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noah Kirchner | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 44% | 27 |
| #3 | Jenkem Merchant | 41% | 32 |
| #4 | SuckMetoes | 30% | 40 |
| #5 | mitso | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Noah Kirchner | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 44% | 27 |
| #3 | Jenkem Merchant | 41% | 32 |
| #4 | SuckMetoes | 30% | 40 |
| #5 | mitso | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SuckMetoes | 5 | 0.0068 |
| #2 | mitso | 3 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | H.I. McDunnough | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mitso | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #2 | H.I. McDunnough | 4 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| #3 | SuckMetoes | 3 | 0.00 | 0 min |
| #4 | Noah Kirchner | 2 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jenkem Merchant | +0.80 | 45 | 17 |
| #2 | mitso | -0.21 | 64 | 21 |
| #3 | Schmibby | -0.87 | 50 | 30 |
| #4 | H.I. McDunnough | -1.94 | 25 | 15 |
| #5 | SuckMetoes | -2.88 | 37 | 17 |





