








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1428 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 168 matches | ||
| Premier | 123 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7937 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,289 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8558 | 34% |
| Smokes | 7124 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4077 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 5530 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $939,568 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 304 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tread | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | romeo | 61% | 41 |
| #3 | shoo | 60% | 103 |
| #4 | SWEARINGJONNY | 59% | 81 |
| #5 | yob | 57% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KEEHCC | 303 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #2 | SWEARINGJONNY | 257 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | 13lack13lood | 172 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | yob | 157 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | shoo | 142 | 0.08 | 3 min |





