








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 342 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 47 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2989 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,794 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3060 | 26% |
| Smokes | 4313 | 37% |
| HE Grenades | 2918 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1503 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,359,519 of utility $166 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 651 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ★ the dude | 48% | 214 |
| #4 | ʚ♡ɞ Mr. Yung Prime Shopper | 45% | 84 |
| #5 | Mushu | 42% | 91 |
| #6 | Epona | 40% | 58 |
| #7 | HubicPair^ | 39% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HubicPair^ | 31 | 0.0262 |
| #2 | Mushu | 26 | 0.0132 |
| #3 | ★ the dude | 16 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Epona | 8 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | ʚ♡ɞ Mr. Yung Prime Shopper | 6 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ the dude | 490 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #2 | Mushu | 237 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Epona | 168 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #4 | ʚ♡ɞ Mr. Yung Prime Shopper | 160 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | HubicPair^ | 77 | 0.07 | 2 min |





