








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 210 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1098 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,757 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 445 | 12% |
| Smokes | 1449 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 1115 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 748 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $452,404 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 192 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bublixx | 73% | 15 |
| #2 | jonzka | 67% | 9 |
| #3 | Toe | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Jompsa | 58% | 19 |
| #5 | jonzka | 56% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | jonzka | 56% | 27 |
| #6 | SaMpSaツ | 54% | 67 |
| #7 | Tume | 52% | 95 |
| #8 | JL | 50% | 60 |
| #9 | Tapsaツ | 49% | 104 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JL | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | jonzka | 5 | 0.0299 |
| #3 | Tapsaツ | 4 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Tume | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | SaMpSaツ | 2 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tume | 299 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #2 | Tapsaツ | 254 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #3 | SaMpSaツ | 218 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | JL | 183 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #5 | jonzka | 58 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SaMpSaツ | +3.19 | 87 | 62 |
| #2 | JL | +2.83 | 81 | 64 |
| #3 | jonzka | +2.44 | 86 | 40 |
| #4 | Toe | +1.21 | 68 | 71 |
| #5 | jonzka | +0.42 | 78 | 55 |





