








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 11 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 50 matches | ||
| Premier | 48 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1322 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,768 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1448 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1356 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 665 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1299 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $346,716 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | caws | 88% | 8 |
| #2 | Abz | 54% | 48 |
| #3 | Vincenzo Santorini #1 | 52% | 60 |
| #4 | Wowee | 51% | 77 |
| #5 | LoJI | 49% | 118 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Abz | 54% | 48 |
| #3 | Vincenzo Santorini #1 | 52% | 60 |
| #4 | Wowee | 51% | 77 |
| #5 | LoJI | 49% | 118 |
| #6 | MatthewCannon | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LoJI | 10 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Vincenzo Santorini #1 | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Abz | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Wowee | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | caws | 2 | 0.0127 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LoJI | 414 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #2 | Wowee | 320 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | Vincenzo Santorini #1 | 166 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #4 | Abz | 154 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #5 | caws | 22 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abz | +1.92 | 85 | 56 |
| #2 | caws | +1.16 | 78 | 38 |
| #3 | ftz. | +1.10 | 82 | 59 |
| #4 | Vincenzo Santorini #1 | -0.06 | 63 | 52 |
| #5 | Wowee | -0.43 | 84 | 60 |





