








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 30 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1064 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 465 | 15% |
| Smokes | 796 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 988 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 877 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $315,043 of utility $128 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | cowboy | 45% | 44 |
| #8 | The Alien | 45% | 88 |
| #9 | - tated | 45% | 20 |
| #10 | Delleth | 43% | 21 |
| #11 | Grimace | 33% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | carl wheezy wit it | 9 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | The Alien | 6 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | - tated | 5 | 0.0120 |
| #4 | 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ | 3 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | Willy the illy Milly | 2 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | carl wheezy wit it | 201 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | The Alien | 124 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Willy the illy Milly | 111 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #4 | toad | 95 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | - tated | 71 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Real Bladee | +2.57 | 73 | 51 |
| #2 | 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ | +2.04 | 70 | 63 |
| #3 | Willy the illy Milly | +1.26 | 59 | 59 |
| #4 | The Alien | -0.20 | 36 | 56 |
| #5 | carl wheezy wit it | -0.34 | 63 | 55 |





