








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 264 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1126 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,796 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 527 | 19% |
| Smokes | 959 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 1029 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 281 | 10% |
Our logs show you have wasted $480,652 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 288 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ | 39% | 23 |
| #7 | The Alien | 38% | 68 |
| #8 | Grimace | 31% | 16 |
| #9 | cowboy | 30% | 10 |
| #10 | - tated | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | carl wheezy wit it | 12 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | Willy the illy Milly | 10 | 0.0095 |
| #3 | The Alien | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | - tated | 4 | 0.0099 |
| #5 | Grimace | 3 | 0.0095 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Willy the illy Milly | 216 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #2 | carl wheezy wit it | 123 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #3 | The Alien | 107 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | toad | 70 | 0.17 | 2 min |
| #5 | - tated | 64 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 乃ㄥ卂匚Ҝ | +2.58 | 62 | 62 |
| #2 | Real Bladee | +1.71 | 67 | 41 |
| #3 | Willy the illy Milly | +0.66 | 63 | 53 |
| #4 | Delleth | +0.46 | 41 | 51 |
| #5 | toad | +0.42 | 62 | 65 |





