








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 501 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 287 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3878 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,842 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3122 | 23% |
| Smokes | 3405 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 5099 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 2216 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $757,394 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | β‘ParadoXβ‘ | 46% | 57 |
| #12 | Fabriksbitchen | 45% | 40 |
| #13 | AlexitaXO | 43% | 40 |
| #14 | Mattmo_0 | 37% | 35 |
| #15 | Skumleli | 35% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DjHoeFace | 7 | 0.0052 |
| #2 | AlexitaXO | 6 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Hannah Lashes xo | 5 | 0.0063 |
| #4 | β
Ana R Chy β’ | 4 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | β‘ParadoXβ‘ | 4 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1X | 265 | 0.33 | 8 min |
| #2 | β‘ParadoXβ‘ | 214 | 0.18 | 5 min |
| #3 | Carl | 173 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | DjHoeFace | 169 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hannah Lashes xo | 138 | 0.17 | 3 min |





