








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
490 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,110 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 469 | 15% |
| Smokes | 598 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 1389 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 654 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $347,347 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | fml | 35% | 17 |
| #10 | † Vape † | 35% | 46 |
| #11 | Sir Daxwell | 32% | 34 |
| #12 | Mr. Poopybutthole | 22% | 18 |
| #13 | El_Patriccio | 0% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plupf | 7 | 0.0043 |
| #2 | Bud Spencer | 5 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | Mr. Poopybutthole | 3 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | Sir Daxwell | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | KingwingTV | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plupf | 381 | 0.23 | 11 min |
| #2 | KingwingTV | 194 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #3 | † Vape † | 124 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | Sir Daxwell | 120 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | Awfooly | 76 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plupf | +3.03 | 64 | 73 |
| #2 | Mr. Poopybutthole | +2.99 | 64 | 8 |
| #3 | Awfooly | +2.13 | 58 | 73 |
| #4 | SchWiiTzKopFLarrY | +1.41 | 71 | 64 |
| #5 | KingwingTV | +0.64 | 51 | 57 |





