








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
760 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,884 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1020 | 35% |
| Smokes | 712 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 419 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 733 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $192,514 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sir Daxwell | 52% | 42 |
| #2 | SchWiiTzKopFLarrY | 50% | 30 |
| #3 | Bud Spencer | 45% | 22 |
| #4 | † Vape † | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | Plupf | 40% | 67 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plupf | 6 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | † Vape † | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | club-m8 | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | Sir Daxwell | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | SchWiiTzKopFLarrY | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plupf | 276 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #2 | Sir Daxwell | 105 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | SchWiiTzKopFLarrY | 94 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | † Vape † | 86 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Julius el Cäso | 57 | 0.06 | 1 min |





