








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1352 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 647 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 22 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 93 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




110 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
11250 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,192 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7196 | 20% |
| Smokes | 11025 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 10137 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 7834 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,612,259 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 566 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Maris | 48% | 187 |
| #5 | ∙◦●DR.Lurkovic●◦∙ | 48% | 347 |
| #6 | Ludi | 46% | 184 |
| #7 | вяαтzεпвαявıε | 45% | 287 |
| #8 | n i c i | 40% | 85 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bebabaehr | 50 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | C4rl0_ | 46 | 0.0043 |
| #3 | ∙◦●DR.Lurkovic●◦∙ | 22 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Ludi | 12 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Maris | 10 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bebabaehr | 1404 | 0.15 | 36 min |
| #2 | C4rl0_ | 840 | 0.08 | 18 min |
| #3 | Ludi | 457 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #4 | вяαтzεпвαявıε | 437 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | ∙◦●DR.Lurkovic●◦∙ | 312 | 0.04 | 7 min |





