








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 62 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
121 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 246 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 34 | 14% |
| Smokes | 106 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 67 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 39 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $29,450 of utility $46 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [REDACTED] | 50% | 2 |
| #2 | loafylow | 50% | 2 |
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Björn | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | Nethermonke | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Björn | 2 | 0.0189 |
| #2 | Douwidius1 | 2 | 0.0260 |
| #3 | The Kidney Snatcher | 2 | 0.0263 |
| #4 | Spuckie14 | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Nethermonke | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spuckie14 | 10 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #2 | Douwidius2 | 10 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| #3 | Nethermonke | 7 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #4 | Jorik | 5 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | Fridge | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jorik | +6.49 | 26 | 44 |
| #2 | loafylow | +6.33 | 69 | 83 |
| #3 | Douwidius2 | +5.02 | 71 | 56 |
| #4 | LoaF | +5.00 | 82 | 61 |
| #5 | Douwidius1 | +3.99 | 82 | 72 |





