








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Wingman | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
739 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 576 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 248 | 43% |
| Smokes | 71 | 12% |
| HE Grenades | 220 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 37 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $194,468 of utility $140 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Moarten | 13 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | mr. sister fister | 6 | 0.0213 |
| #3 | Shyp3R | 2 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | Krutzen | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Cykelsøren | 1 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Krutzen | 115 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #2 | Moarten | 95 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Shyp3R | 66 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| #4 | mr. sister fister | 60 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | Cykelsøren | 48 | 0.19 | 2 min |





