










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
331 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,196 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 273 | 23% |
| Smokes | 209 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 393 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 321 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $180,763 of utility $214 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gamerman | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Imustend | 64% | 14 |
| #3 | Michodzel | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | Average dick enjoyer | 56% | 16 |
| #5 | Dobry Den | 53% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Average dick enjoyer | 56% | 16 |
| #5 | Dobry Den | 53% | 32 |
| #6 | MXT | 29% | 14 |
| #7 | Average Priest enjoyer | 25% | 4 |
| #8 | HE'S STILL GOT IT | 25% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dobry Den | 1 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | MXT | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | HE'S STILL GOT IT | 1 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dobry Den | 177 | 0.26 | 5 min |
| #2 | HE'S STILL GOT IT | 52 | 0.30 | 1 min |
| #3 | Average dick enjoyer | 42 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | MXT | 42 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | Gamerman | 32 | 0.25 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dobry Den | +1.67 | 73 | 68 |
| #2 | MXT | +1.55 | 83 | 62 |
| #3 | Imustend | +0.26 | 59 | 37 |
| #4 | Gamerman | -0.39 | 63 | 34 |
| #5 | fuck you ezekiel | -0.84 | 71 | 57 |





