








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 407 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 276 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 33 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4448 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,754 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1089 | 16% |
| Smokes | 1975 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1778 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1912 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,655,538 of utility $206 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 393 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Uncle Joseph | 62% | 21 |
| #2 | Bunglesteen | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | cardboard eater | 47% | 117 |
| #4 | m0E TV | 44% | 102 |
| #5 | ✪ Reinn | 42% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Bunglesteen | 57% | 23 |
| #3 | cardboard eater | 47% | 117 |
| #4 | m0E TV | 44% | 102 |
| #5 | ✪ Reinn | 42% | 45 |
| #6 | I have more sex than you | 42% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0E TV | 31 | 0.0149 |
| #2 | I have more sex than you | 19 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | ✪ Reinn | 10 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | cardboard eater | 7 | 0.0029 |
| #5 | Uncle Joseph | 6 | 0.0139 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m0E TV | 387 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #2 | cardboard eater | 214 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | ✪ Reinn | 210 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | I have more sex than you | 152 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #5 | Uncle Joseph | 50 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Reinn | +2.08 | 68 | 59 |
| #2 | 操你妈 MR SWAG BOSS 操你妈 | +1.48 | 82 | 48 |
| #3 | Bunglesteen | -0.21 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | m0E TV | -0.36 | 75 | 51 |
| #5 | I have more sex than you | -1.14 | 56 | 50 |





