








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 436 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2527 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,874 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1202 | 20% |
| Smokes | 1933 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1769 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 970 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $735,029 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 98 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Der Salzmeister 9000 | 64% | 44 |
| #2 | Willy Wortel | 50% | 191 |
| #3 | Predator Agent | 49% | 194 |
| #4 | markuseg | 48% | 67 |
| #5 | lingling | 48% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Predator Agent | 10 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | ATP | Tony | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | SOYMILK FOREVER!!!!!!!! | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #4 | Willy Wortel | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | Lucrian | 3 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Predator Agent | 425 | 0.10 | 10 min |
| #2 | Willy Wortel | 222 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Lucrian | 140 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | markuseg | 104 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Der Salzmeister 9000 | 88 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Willy Wortel | +2.63 | 80 | 57 |
| #2 | Der Salzmeister 9000 | +1.87 | 70 | 58 |
| #3 | Puffeltoff | +1.20 | 37 | 55 |
| #4 | markuseg | +0.63 | 66 | 62 |
| #5 | SOYMILK FOREVER!!!!!!!! | -0.44 | 31 | 38 |





