








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 105 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1764 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,131 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1721 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1539 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1233 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1638 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $381,574 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 159 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bearcats tyler | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | celery | 65% | 75 |
| #3 | enfohip | 65% | 34 |
| #4 | We Todd Ed | 62% | 42 |
| #5 | Speedyw69 | 62% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | prospekt | 62% | 13 |
| #7 | JackPot | 61% | 36 |
| #8 | captain crunch | 51% | 49 |
| #9 | ChickenLiver | 50% | 22 |
| #10 | BeanieWeanie69 | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | enfohip | 5 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Speedyw69 | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | prospekt | 2 | 0.0075 |
| #4 | captain crunch | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | BeanieWeanie69 | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | celery | 269 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | captain crunch | 257 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #3 | We Todd Ed | 203 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #4 | enfohip | 201 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #5 | BeanieWeanie69 | 109 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | celery | +1.65 | 82 | 75 |
| #2 | captain crunch | +1.34 | 80 | 75 |
| #3 | prospekt | +0.85 | 68 | 65 |
| #4 | enfohip | +0.75 | 85 | 68 |
| #5 | Bearcats tyler | +0.37 | 81 | 63 |





