








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 587 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 133 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 40 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3817 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,177 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2425 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4231 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2396 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 3125 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,737,468 of utility $182 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1471 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | fyi | 52% | 79 |
| #7 | Chunky Milk | 51% | 93 |
| #8 | froggers | 49% | 272 |
| #9 | milshaje | 49% | 370 |
| #10 | wasd | 42% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | froggers | 27 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Chunky Milk | 22 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Henny | 17 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | milshaje | 14 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | FryingPan8 | 13 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | milshaje | 1984 | 0.25 | 58 min |
| #2 | froggers | 609 | 0.11 | 13 min |
| #3 | Henny | 391 | 0.06 | 11 min |
| #4 | Chunky Milk | 331 | 0.18 | 6 min |
| #5 | FryingPan8 | 198 | 0.08 | 4 min |





