








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 317 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 348 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




89 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6486 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,438 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11933 | 45% |
| Smokes | 5447 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 4078 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 4980 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,274,330 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1665 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | SoggyBottoms | 47% | 139 |
| #5 | s0urpu$$ moNY(C)STAKKA | 47% | 236 |
| #6 | Shieldbasch | 46% | 72 |
| #7 | ✪ Chef | 45% | 273 |
| #8 | Nukeshi | 39% | 163 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Chef | 694 | 0.12 | 18 min |
| #2 | s0urpu$$ moNY(C)STAKKA | 582 | 0.12 | 14 min |
| #3 | restless | 345 | 0.19 | 9 min |
| #4 | orioN | 304 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #5 | SoggyBottoms | 235 | 0.08 | 5 min |





