








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 64 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1627 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,202 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1445 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1033 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1730 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 994 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $389,660 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Callum❤ | 75% | 12 |
| #2 | Ai | 75% | 24 |
| #3 | Red | 74% | 19 |
| #4 | doozy | 61% | 59 |
| #5 | Buggy | 59% | 95 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | [MFR<3] CHICKEN | 58% | 31 |
| #7 | Nakama | 57% | 114 |
| #8 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 52% | 71 |
| #9 | VICTOR | 38% | 8 |
| #10 | bug | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nakama | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Buggy | 8 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | doozy | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | bug | 1 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doozy | 326 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #2 | Nakama | 320 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #3 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 209 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #4 | Buggy | 167 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | [MFR<3] CHICKEN | 68 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ai | +2.62 | 83 | 72 |
| #2 | doozy | +1.63 | 58 | 72 |
| #3 | Veloce | +1.29 | 69 | 65 |
| #4 | Callum❤ | +1.23 | 79 | 70 |
| #5 | VICTOR | +1.00 | 50 | 28 |





