








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 143 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Faceit | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,258 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2311 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2078 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 836 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 2033 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $629,056 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 66 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Red | 63% | 51 |
| #2 | Callum❤ | 61% | 18 |
| #3 | doozy | 61% | 56 |
| #4 | Ai | 60% | 20 |
| #5 | [MFR<3] CHICKEN | 57% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Veloce | 57% | 114 |
| #7 | Buggy | 57% | 120 |
| #8 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 53% | 92 |
| #9 | VICTOR | 46% | 13 |
| #10 | bug | 32% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Buggy | 12 | 0.0049 |
| #2 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Veloce | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | doozy | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Red | 3 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Veloce | 301 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | [AFK] La Brioche Balugée | 300 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | doozy | 244 | 0.22 | 7 min |
| #4 | Buggy | 219 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | [MFR<3] CHICKEN | 105 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Callum❤ | +3.00 | 68 | 72 |
| #2 | Ai | +2.55 | 84 | 72 |
| #3 | doozy | +1.78 | 64 | 73 |
| #4 | Veloce | +1.50 | 69 | 64 |
| #5 | VICTOR | +1.09 | 58 | 35 |





