








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 7 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 114 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1258 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,618 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1786 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1448 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1924 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1460 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,883 of utility $112 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 53 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [SmD]IcE_CrEam_KiLlEr|.aG.| | 58% | 19 |
| #2 | çrocsieJESUS | 53% | 19 |
| #3 | pizza on a bagel | 50% | 14 |
| #4 | ☆Doctor_NumNums☆ | 49% | 74 |
| #5 | ☢Newklear☢ | 48% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Çôld_ƒîR£™ | 40% | 30 |
| #10 | *MD | 38% | 13 |
| #11 | Jack Burton | 36% | 11 |
| #12 | silicone. | 30% | 10 |
| #13 | Orgasmatron | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☆Doctor_NumNums☆ | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | ☢Newklear☢ | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | SheaButter | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Colbyyy | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | [SmD]IcE_CrEam_KiLlEr|.aG.| | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ☢Newklear☢ | 156 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | SheaButter | 102 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | *MD | 60 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| #4 | [SmD]IcE_CrEam_KiLlEr|.aG.| | 57 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | ☆Doctor_NumNums☆ | 56 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | çrocsieJESUS | +3.13 | 57 | 51 |
| #2 | [SmD]IcE_CrEam_KiLlEr|.aG.| | +2.55 | 60 | 57 |
| #3 | Jayherryy | +1.28 | 54 | 77 |
| #4 | ☢Newklear☢ | +0.98 | 52 | 77 |
| #5 | Orgasmatron | +0.09 | 72 | 65 |





