








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Premier | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2022 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,062 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 811 | 16% |
| Smokes | 758 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1946 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 1547 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $636,225 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 232 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zero | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | Lillie 2.0 | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | Juggalo | 50% | 101 |
| #4 | Discount_WiFi | 45% | 290 |
| #5 | Gary Cumbottom | 45% | 80 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount_WiFi | 53 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | Andrew | 45 | 0.0124 |
| #3 | Gary Cumbottom | 27 | 0.0173 |
| #4 | dmt frog | 11 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Lillie 2.0 | 10 | 0.0213 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount_WiFi | 1250 | 0.22 | 26 min |
| #2 | Andrew | 415 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Draxciar | 274 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | Gary Cumbottom | 269 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #5 | dmt frog | 180 | 0.10 | 4 min |





