








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 155 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 27 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2827 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,270 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 766 | 23% |
| Smokes | 831 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 963 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 710 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,052,424 of utility $184 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 104 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zero | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | Gary Cumbottom | 57% | 63 |
| #3 | Benny (has sex) | 56% | 84 |
| #4 | dmt frog | 51% | 47 |
| #5 | TheLegoHorde | 50% | 101 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount_WiFi | 28 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | Andrew | 17 | 0.0136 |
| #3 | Gary Cumbottom | 16 | 0.0133 |
| #4 | dmt frog | 8 | 0.0084 |
| #5 | TheLegoHorde | 4 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Discount_WiFi | 608 | 0.19 | 13 min |
| #2 | Gary Cumbottom | 247 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | Benny (has sex) | 243 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | TheLegoHorde | 201 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #5 | Andrew | 141 | 0.11 | 4 min |





