








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 334 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 178 matches | ||
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2500 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,959 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2339 | 23% |
| Smokes | 2942 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1959 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 2719 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $901,675 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | нахуй | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | gvd | 67% | 15 |
| #3 | Bladecutter_ | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | Endlessw1ll | 60% | 43 |
| #5 | Big Wag | 60% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | PARADOX | 55% | 69 |
| #7 | Pinkie | 54% | 46 |
| #8 | Y4RAn1 | 45% | 31 |
| #9 | g1ga | 44% | 36 |
| #10 | focus | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Endlessw1ll | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | g1ga | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Bladecutter_ | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | PARADOX | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PARADOX | 317 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Pinkie | 279 | 0.28 | 8 min |
| #3 | g1ga | 162 | 0.20 | 5 min |
| #4 | Endlessw1ll | 88 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Big Wag | 61 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pinkie | +3.60 | 83 | 66 |
| #2 | нахуй | +1.63 | 59 | 69 |
| #3 | brong | +1.34 | 77 | 59 |
| #4 | Endlessw1ll | -0.10 | 42 | 69 |
| #5 | Y4RAn1 | -0.67 | 76 | 62 |





