








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 765 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 265 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4513 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,533 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4559 | 40% |
| Smokes | 3097 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 2902 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 975 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,227,694 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1003 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Isom Isham | 46% | 254 |
| #2 | Alan Dracula | 40% | 63 |
| #3 | Cancer Carl | 39% | 38 |
| #4 | BroIncarnate | 35% | 31 |
| #5 | SideOfMeat | 34% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Alan Dracula | 40% | 63 |
| #3 | Cancer Carl | 39% | 38 |
| #4 | BroIncarnate | 35% | 31 |
| #5 | SideOfMeat | 34% | 35 |
| #6 | FizzTags | 31% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Isom Isham | 22 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | SideOfMeat | 6 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | Alan Dracula | 1 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | FizzTags | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Isom Isham | 544 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #2 | SideOfMeat | 130 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #3 | Cancer Carl | 56 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | Alan Dracula | 49 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | FizzTags | 36 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FizzTags | +1.21 | 60 | 35 |
| #2 | Mol10Sol | +1.16 | 58 | 60 |
| #3 | Isom Isham | +0.61 | 48 | 53 |
| #4 | BroIncarnate | -1.10 | 50 | 38 |
| #5 | SideOfMeat | -2.21 | 36 | 60 |





