








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 68 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




23 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2255 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1714 | 36% |
| Smokes | 1217 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 655 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 1162 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $508,501 of utility $125 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | PENG-BANANA-APE | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | Dumbbelldore | 51% | 63 |
| #6 | Svoldemord | 50% | 76 |
| #7 | Harry Spotter | 46% | 54 |
| #8 | Shredwig | 37% | 78 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dumbbelldore | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #2 | Harry Spotter | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #3 | Shredwig | 3 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Svoldemord | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | Fifty | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shredwig | 371 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #2 | Svoldemord | 136 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | Fifty | 75 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | PENG-BANANA-APE | 53 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | Harry Spotter | 49 | 0.05 | 1 min |





