








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 88 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
995 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,561 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 934 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1049 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 659 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,012,520 of utility $263 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 23 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dumbbelldore | 64% | 72 |
| #2 | prenave | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | Klötenklaus | 62% | 13 |
| #4 | MalFuros 𝕯𝖞𝖕 | 61% | 23 |
| #5 | PENG-BANANA-APE | 60% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Star Trek 4 Life | 9 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Svoldemord | 7 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Harry Spotter | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | prenave | 3 | 0.0097 |
| #5 | Klötenklaus | 3 | 0.0122 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shredwig | 414 | 0.25 | 7 min |
| #2 | Svoldemord | 291 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #3 | Star Trek 4 Life | 123 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | PENG-BANANA-APE | 101 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #5 | MalFuros 𝕯𝖞𝖕 | 77 | 0.18 | 2 min |





