








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 133 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 53 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1543 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,608 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 494 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1006 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 995 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1113 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $923,826 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 116 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MalFuros | 76% | 21 |
| #2 | Fifty | 58% | 86 |
| #3 | NVRM55:^) | 54% | 52 |
| #4 | CaptainFroggi | 51% | 94 |
| #5 | Par Kin Sun | 50% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Hello Kitty Elfbar 800 | 50% | 52 |
| #7 | Swoldemord | 50% | 165 |
| #8 | PENG-BANANA-APE | 49% | 35 |
| #9 | TomTheSlickOne | 46% | 54 |
| #10 | callcenteragent0815 | 37% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TomTheSlickOne | 10 | 0.0097 |
| #2 | Swoldemord | 9 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | callcenteragent0815 | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #4 | Hello Kitty Elfbar 800 | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #5 | CaptainFroggi | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | callcenteragent0815 | 424 | 0.21 | 8 min |
| #2 | Swoldemord | 343 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #3 | NVRM55:^) | 266 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #4 | Fifty | 144 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | TomTheSlickOne | 94 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NVRM55:^) | +9.31 | 90 | 63 |
| #2 | MalFuros | +5.60 | 66 | 56 |
| #3 | TomTheSlickOne | +5.33 | 66 | 58 |
| #4 | CaptainFroggi | +2.41 | 41 | 39 |
| #5 | PENG-BANANA-APE | +0.53 | 42 | 66 |





