








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 574 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 339 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4492 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,579 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3842 | 25% |
| Smokes | 4409 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3570 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3758 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,465,301 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 377 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Kudsk | 62% | 68 |
| #2 | SEP_15 | 62% | 39 |
| #3 | Drake | 60% | 30 |
| #4 | sLamu | 54% | 290 |
| #5 | āz1m0nā | 54% | 41 |





