








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 80 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1576 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,216 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 697 | 22% |
| Smokes | 851 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1329 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 339 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $257,024 of utility $70 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | deadbang3r | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Borderline | 55% | 75 |
| #3 | Mitch | 54% | 105 |
| #4 | naio | 52% | 100 |
| #5 | Samael | 43% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | naio | 52% | 100 |
| #5 | Samael | 43% | 44 |
| #6 | Lacrouste del pin | 43% | 35 |
| #7 | TurboDaddy uWu | 37% | 19 |
| #8 | Mr Monster | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | naio | 12 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Borderline | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | Mitch | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | deadbang3r | 1 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mitch | 430 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #2 | naio | 95 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Borderline | 76 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lacrouste del pin | 25 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| #5 | Samael | 16 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TurboDaddy uWu | +4.02 | 79 | 52 |
| #2 | Your Mummys's Boy | +2.99 | 69 | 52 |
| #3 | deadbang3r | +1.66 | 46 | 54 |
| #4 | Mitch | +1.38 | 44 | 63 |
| #5 | Borderline | -0.08 | 30 | 36 |





